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Topics - Bastard Poetry

Hello, my old friends - I'm here to plug my LPs!

I've started a fully recorded Thief SSCC. By "fully recorded," I mean that I'm recording all successes, failures and most out-of-battle stuff. And by "most" I mean formation screen stuff and shopping.. I'm not recording cutscenes for the most part.

And by "cutscenes" I mean those story things.

And by "things" I mean stuff.

Thief SSCC playlist:

I'm also doing the SkyBlock 2.0 Hardcore Challenge in Minecraft:

And a "magic only" challenge in Terraria:

Enjoy! The bulk of the discussions regarding the Thief SSCC are happening on the GF board, but I'll keep an eye on this thread as well.
The Lounge / The Haxtun Institute of Technology
October 14, 2011, 02:01:49 am

It's been so long since I've spent any real amount of time at FFH. There are so many new people and projects!

However, I'm stopping by to spread some exciting news to some of my old friends here. It's not FFT-related, and I still don't foresee having enough spare time in my life to do anything FFT-related for a long time yet, but there are some people around here who appreciated a lot of the little projects I did.

This is an upcoming short film that my friends and I have made.

It stars my wife and I, primarily, and is based on an article I wrote about 7 years ago.


The screening party will be sometime next month, and I intend to set up some kind of live-streaming, so that many of my online friends can join in on the fun. Let me know if any of you are interested!
The Lounge / Good morning or whatever
May 13, 2011, 03:36:57 pm
This is your imaginary Internet friend, Bastard Poetry.

But you can call me Dr. Bastard Poetry.
The Lounge / Zodiac sign?
August 15, 2010, 08:13:58 am
I'm curious. Zodiac, what do those characters on your avatar stand for?

On a /note, I'm a fucking Leo!
The Lounge / What are you watching?
August 10, 2010, 05:17:29 pm


My score: 8/10 - Not as good as The Prestige, Memento or Batman Begins, but definitely better than The Dark Knight.


Good Night, and Good Luck.

Written, directed and shot with erratic flair. It's almost as if Clooney did a Mad Men marathon while drinking himself into oblivion, then woke up to a morning broadcast of His Girl Friday on TCM, flipped the channel to find the Smurfs on some stupid fucking channel (why would he flip away from His Girl Friday!?) and thought, 'Eureka! Commies! I'll do a movie about the journalist who dared to attack Wisconsin Sen. McCarthy's unconstitutional methods during the red scare!" Well played, George, with guys like Straitharn delivering the coolest fucking speeches over the CBS airwaves, evar, but you need to know that even--EVEN--in the fast-paced journalist world, the characters of His Girl Friday at least--AT LEAST--waited until one character finished speaking a line before the next character immediately started sputtering rapid-fire words as though the first person never existed. Not always.. but enough.

My score: 5/10 - Educational, with a neat overall message. Needed more drama, or tension, or sex, or something. I felt like I was really just hopping back in time to watch CBS in the 50s.

Star Trek [2009]

(Kirk runs from the giant ice-crab monster thing)
Kevin: "No, no.. He's doing it wrong! Shatner would have slept with the thing twice by now!"

(Romulan guard falls to his death)
Mike: "Tell my bald wife and my bald kids how baalld I thiink theey aaaaaarrrrrrrreeeee.."

My score: 7/10 - Not one of the best Riffs, because the movie is actually decent enough to create this sense of frustration in you as the guys are riffing--"Shh! Shh! Not now, guys! I'm trying to hear what Spock's dad is saying!" I originally gave this a 3/10 score because it was really bad the first time, but a second viewing (third viewing of Star Trek altogether) allowed me to relax and enjoy the riffs, which were surprisingly very decent.


Mad Men - Don and Lane out on the town = unexpected WIN of epic proportions.
Burn Notice - Can't wait to get this whole Jesse thing taken care of so he can move on to wherever the script-writers intend to send him.
Psych - "Who says work has to be fun?" - "Uh, Ron Jeremy, for starters."
Spam / Published Author!
May 12, 2010, 05:02:18 am
It's only a matter of time now, my friends.

Spam / You have to know how to rock
January 21, 2010, 02:24:24 am
Spam / Ultraviolence
October 12, 2009, 06:49:45 pm
There was me, that is BP, and my three droogs, that is Chaumel, Hussy, and Voldemort, Voldemort being really swell, and we sat in the Goland Milkbar making up our rassoodocks what to do with the evening, a flip dark chill winter bastard though dry. The Goland Milkbar was a milk-plus mesto, and you may, O my brother, have forgotten what these mestos were like things changing so skorry these days and everybody very quick to forget, bar rumours not being heard much neither. Well, what they sold there was milk plus something else. They had no license for selling liquor, but there was no law yet against prodding some of the new veshches which they would put into the old moloko, so you could peet it with vellocet or synthemesc or drencrom or one or two other veshches which would give you a nice quiet horrorshow fifteen minutes admiring Ajora And All His Zodiac Braves in your left shoe with lights bursting all over your mozg. Or you could peet it with knives in it, as we use to say, and this would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of dirty twenty-to-one, and that was what we were peeting this evening I'm starting off the story with.
Bugs and Suggestions / Link Error
August 02, 2009, 06:19:14 pm
Hey Zodiac, on the main FFH homepage, the "Sprites" link, which normally goes to a list of the Vanilla character list (ie not custom sprites) currently goes to the "Enter Nickname" screen for Chat.

It shows that the link is this:


But it goes to this link anyways:


I tried manually typing out the spr url, but it still goes to the chat page.
The Lounge / CoK Fanart
August 02, 2009, 02:15:13 am
Hey FFHians,

Dukki Boi recently submitted some artwork for the Chronicles of Kanbabrif and I have posted them on the Junk Offerings section of m'ebsite! I don't know if he'll appreciate this or not, but I couldn't resist showing them off.

Spam / Hamwitch didn't think Dome could defeat Reis
July 23, 2009, 03:56:35 am
But he can!  <--SPOILER!

http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/genmessa ... c=50574622

PS I love completeboy
Spam / Spam Moderator Vote: Rednanaki
June 28, 2009, 01:22:44 am
I vote for Rednanaki. S/he started an account on Oct 1 2007, which means s/he knows this site better than most. In fact, s/he was the 20th member to join! Fucking sweet, if you ask me.

But do you know the best part?

Rednanaki only has 0 post counts. That means s/he is best suited to be moderator for the Spam forum.

I don't know about you, but I'd FUCKING HATE to see someone who actually POSTS anything being the moderator of a section like Spam.

Not Dome is a douche.

My name is Bastard Poetry and I approve this topic.
The Lounge / The Muse of Oblivion
June 18, 2009, 02:57:31 pm
Hey guys, I've returned to share some exciting news with my old friends here:

The Muse of Oblivion is up and running now!


This is my website, as many of you may know, and I have been working on it for the last few months now. I had to refresh myself on some basic HTML knowledge, and I spent some time dabbling with Flash (only to drop it in favor of a simpler design for the time being, since it's going to take a lot more time to figure that shit out). And I am pleased to present you guys with the GRAND UNVEILING today.

Anyways, the site is skeletal right now; I haven't had much time to write many articles yet, and I still have a bit of work to do in some sections, but the basic foundation has been established. Now that I have it set up, I can start getting to work on the many projects I've been dreaming up lately!

I'm starting a new job tomorrow, and after the 4 weeks of training, I'm almost certain I'll have internet access to use between my calls. I intend to use that down time to write write WRITE, because the whole purpose of The Muse of Oblivion is the same as the whole purpose of my previous websites: my WRITING!

That's not all, though. I have opened a forum for The Muse as well, and it will be a place for other writers, artists, musicians, and feedback-providers to share and discuss their own works. Someday, the most successful and talented artists may get their own section of The Muse! As it currently stands, I have given a section to The Gatekeeper, since she and I go way back, and she is a phenomenal comedic writer (albeit creepy as fuck).

ALSO, as I'm sure many of you were waiting to hear.. The Chronicles of Kanbabrif is back in production! Cheetah and I have already started knocking our heads together, and we're picking up right where we left off! The Muse of Oblivion has an entire section devoted to the series, and the forum has plenty of discussion topics for it as well. Fans of the series are more than welcome to join us there!

FINALLY, a message for Zodiac:

I have included a banner for FFH on the main index for the Chronicles, since the series wouldn't be what it is without your amazing site, tools, knowledge and people. I have also included your review of "The Villain of Ivalice" in the Feedback section, and your "Kanbabrif The Frog Emperor" image in the Junk: Fanart section. You are credited for these things, of course, and you are free to ask me to remove them at any time if you so choose. However, I was kinda hoping you'd allow me to put your contributions to the series as the first submissions to the fan sections.  :)

The Lounge / Goodbye
April 02, 2009, 04:35:01 am
Believe it or not, I've only been on the internet for approximately two years. Most of my adult life has been spent in books, music and work, and I'm beginning to realize that my recent addiction to the internet is holding me back from accomplishing a lot of my goals--career, academic, literary and social. I don't think that making the online friends I've made, or creating the entertainment I've shared, has been a mistake, by any stretch, and I certainly don't intend to disappear forever. However, I've been battling some severe health issues for the last 7-8 years, and I presently find myself dealing with many of the issues I had neglected to face in all that time. Things are at their worst now, and every aspect of my life is falling apart in the periphery--financial issues and etcetera.

After giving it long consideration, I have come to the conclusion that my own apathy--my exceedingly exhausted and battered will--has, at worst, caused a lot of my problems and, at best, enhanced them further. I find myself desperate to count the ticks on the classroom clock or the digital blinks of the timecard machine at work, so I can rush home as quickly as possible to log onto various forums and find trivial things to focus on, just so I don't have to focus on my real problems. In all fairness, it isn't really the internet that's the problem. If I didn't have forums and an online social network to lose myself in at the end of the day, I'd find something else to occupy my attention with--something that doesn't require true risk or conviction.. like video games. Except that, on both accounts, I can't simply enjoy these things on a casual basis; I become obsessive, as a way to secure myself from various harms. My wife has even, on occasion, pointed out that I don't just zone out to a glowing screen; I disappear entirely.

I have made a turning point in my life recently, and I am resolved to climb out of this rut and succeed in my aspirations. To do this, I need to put away the distractions I regularly lose myself in and focus on reclaiming my principles. So, I am taking a leave of absence from the forums.

I will remain in contact with Cheetah, through email, so we can continue our work on Part II of the Chronicles. The story we're developing is slowly turning into something phenomenal (the plotlines I've dreamt up for Parts IV-VI, when we someday get to them, are beginning to rival the plotlines of various novels that I've read, or intend to write). And all of you know how important this project is to me, personally. It definitely falls into my "literary goals" category these days.

I will certainly return when we finish it; though it won't be with Part II only. I have a few other projects I'm developing on the side.

My best hope is that the next few months will be productive, in every way.

Take care, everyone.
The Lounge / Youtube is randomly upside down today
April 01, 2009, 05:58:53 pm
Videos, comments, text, links.. everything.

That's their idea of an April Fool's Joke.

At first, I thought MoogleBoss had figured out a way to hack youtube!

So I guess I sorta fell for it.
Spam / Christmas Dinner: BP vs ?? (Who's next?)
March 30, 2009, 12:44:13 pm
EDIT: Changed topic title, since it has a broader range of meanings in its simplistic ambiguity. BP vs NOLANRYANFHODHSK, BP vs Voldemort, etc.

EDIT2: Changed topic title again, since Asmo hit the nail on the head in his interpretation of this thread. I'm obviously drunk on eggnog and looking for blood (to put in m'eggnog). BRING IT!

Comment I received on part 2/3 of The Villain of Ivalice on Youtube:

"shit hes fuck going with monks to kill strong guy"

Betta watch out, Kanbabrif.

Shit hes fuck going with monks.
The Lounge / Poetry and Music
March 12, 2009, 05:48:43 pm
Music or text, your choice; all in all, I want some fucking poetry.


I'll start with Coil. I've gone on lengthy rants about Coil before, as I consider about 90% of their music to be complete, utter shit. However, that remaining 10% has some of the most haunting and beautiful tracks I've ever heard in my life. Johnn Balance focused a lot of his energies on the moment of death, and embraced a lot of evils within the human soul. After a several-month-long bout with alcoholism and despair, he awoke one morning with a determination to clean up his life and, in a tragic accident, slipped and broke his neck. After all the years of waxing poetically about death, in ways that were chilling without being emo, he finally met his own end, and I can only hope his soul found peace with whatever truths he discovered.

Coil - Rosa Decidua

Coil - Christmas is Now Drawing Near

Johnny Cash and Nick Cave are, in my opinion, two of the greatest musical poets of our lifetime. I'll leave Johnny Cash to his well-founded reputation. However, Nick Cave definitely deserves some recognition in this thread.

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Red Right Hand
www.google.com/s2/sharing/stuff?user=10 ... 5573461369

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - The Mercy Seat

Nick Cave & Kylie Minogue - Where the Wild Roses Grow


I don't have much time left, I have to go to work. So I'll post three of my favorite poems by my absolute favorite poet EVAR, and I'll go into detail about him and his work later.


Leda and the Swan

            A sudden blow: the great wings beating still
            Above the staggering girl, her thighs caressed
            By the dark webs, her nape caught in his bill,
            He holds her helpless breast upon his breast.

            How can those terrified vague fingers push
            The feathered glory from her loosening thighs?
            And how can body, laid in that white rush,
            But feel the strange heart beating where it lies?

            A shudder in the loins engenders there
            The broken wall, the burning roof and tower
            And Agamemnon dead.
                                                    Being so caught up,
            So mastered by the brute blood of the air,
            Did she put on his knowledge with his power
            Before the indifferent beak could let her drop?

The Second Coming

    Turning and turning in the widening gyre
    The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
    Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
    Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
    The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
    The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
    The best lack all conviction, while the worst
    Are full of passionate intensity.

    Surely some revelation is at hand;
    Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
    The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
    When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
    Troubles my sight: a waste of desert sand;
    A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
    A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
    Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
    Wind shadows of the indignant desert birds.
    The darkness drops again but now I know
    That twenty centuries of stony sleep
    Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
    And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
    Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Sailing to Byzantium

That is no country for old men. The young
In one another's arms, birds in the trees
- Those dying generations - at their song,
The salmon-falls, the mackerel-crowded seas,
Fish, flesh, or fowl, commend all summer long
Whatever is begotten, born, and dies.
Caught in that sensual music all neglect
Monuments of unageing intellect.

An aged man is but a paltry thing,
A tattered coat upon a stick, unless
Soul clap its hands and sing, and louder sing
For every tatter in its mortal dress,
Nor is there singing school but studying
Monuments of its own magnificence;
And therefore I have sailed the seas and come
To the holy city of Byzantium.

O sages standing in God's holy fire
As in the gold mosaic of a wall,
Come from the holy fire, perne in a gyre,
And be the singing-masters of my soul.
Consume my heart away; sick with desire
And fastened to a dying animal
It knows not what it is; and gather me
Into the artifice of eternity.

Once out of nature I shall never take
My bodily form from any natural thing,
But such a form as Grecian goldsmiths make
Of hammered gold and gold enamelling
To keep a drowsy Emperor awake;
Or set upon a golden bough to sing
To lords and ladies of Byzantium
Of what is past, or passing, or to come.
March 11, 2009, 10:30:40 pm
ITT: Post videos of absolute TERROR.

I don't want boring, mindless gore; I want things that truly chill the soul and curdle the blood.

I'll start:

Spam / Ninja bear!
March 08, 2009, 04:06:53 pm
Spam / Who will dokuride the dokus?
March 05, 2009, 03:14:03 pm
Will it be you?
The Lounge / FFH helps fight Muscular Dystrophy!
February 27, 2009, 01:04:23 am
PSX FFT Hacking / Random Number Goddess
February 18, 2009, 06:47:49 pm
I wasn't too sure which board to post this on. I'm basically copy-pasting the topic I created on the Gamefaqs board here, because I think you guys will all appreciate this as well.

It's more of a "General FFT" thing, with a handy little program for randomly generating jobs for certain challenges. I know that such a topic is a little far removed from HACKING, but, like I said, you guys will all still appreciate this. If Zodiac or anyone has a better idea of where to put this, like General or something, feel free.


Ever since Final Fantasy Tactics came out, I've noticed a change in the way I view the world around me. I find myself thinking in percentages--78% chance to succeed on such and such action, 56% chance to activate counter (if I'm approaching my boss to ask for a raise, f'rexample, there's a 56% chance I'll be defenestrated). Sometimes I have nightmares that I'm being chased by aliens, and my last ditch effort to save myself when I'm cornered is a 9% to Invite. If it succeeds, I can command them to take me on their ship so we can fly out and destroy a small planet or two that have been bugging me lately. If I fail, well.. I usually fail. It's a freakin nightmare, afterall.

Anyways, I don't think this is just some nerdy math thing that results from playing nerdy video games and makes me a nerd. My dedication to school and such makes me a nerd (and I suck at math, so that's certainly not it).

Rather, I think FFT has connected me to something far more spiritual and profound. I have discovered a significant amalgamation with the Random Number Goddess. At times, She provides for me; other times, She makes me suffer, in order to test my resolve. Plus, She's totally hot and way sexier than most other gods out there.

This is a divine thing, friends. Adding a new Goddess to my repertoire of beliefs is no small matter. She's now number three on my list of Top 5 Kick Ass Deities--right below Wit (number 2) and The Muse (my number 1 gal). Fourth and Fifth place are currently held by Ra and Durga, though they tend to rotate with the likes of Vishnu, Odin, Poseidon, Calida and Mighty Mouse, to name just a few.

In this thread: we share stories of our best and worst relationship experiences with the Random Number Goddess. I will begin by submitting an offering of worship to "Our Fickle Mistress of Chance":

A small program that randomly chooses 1 or 2 jobs for any RNG Challenge run (such as the RNGSCC, or the RNGDSCC I've described in other threads), with a handy checkbox that switches it to the PSP version (updated job names + OK and DK added to the list).


This program was created by Junk_the_Monk. (My friend and coworker. He has yet to post here, because he is far too busy with school and such, but I gave him my alternate account recently--Junk_the_Monk--so that someday, when things cool down, he can join us both here and over at FFH, for many occasions of fun and damned good times. He gave me permission to share this program with all of you. It doesn't have his name on it or anything, so let's observe the honor system and give him credit in our dealings with it. Don't be a jerk.

Although, he recently updated it so that it never picks the same job twice in a row. I haven't had a chance to grab that from him yet, so we can upload that sometime if there's enough interest. Otherwise, just re-roll.
Archives / Tired of lolpatch
February 13, 2009, 01:21:57 pm
The phrase, I mean.

I'm tired of hearing about lolpatches.

I was, myself, greatly successful at just ignoring lolpatches and letting them fail or succeed in their own good time.

Now you guys are devoting more time and energy into destroying any and all patch ideas that seem like they might not go anywhere than the creators of lolpatches spend creating their lolpatch. That's dedication. But if a hundred topics about lolpatches die, and sit around here "taking up space," how does that actually effect any of us? It gives us more topics to ignore, and the few people interested in helping some poor dope and his or her new lolpatch will make friends and learn how to not get any further in their lolpatch together. In some RARE occasions, something will spark, and an amazing patch will suddenly be in the works--but that's certainly not going to happen if every lolpatch is judged right from the start and destroyed with impunity.

I agree that any up-and-coming lolpatch creator should put more time and effort into their patch before creating a topic. They should definitely have something to show for it. But you guys are talking elitist hierarchy--a near-Gamefaqs level of moderation. What good is a site like this, a site devoted to hacking FFT, if you won't even allow the half-interested just as much access to public attention as the extremely devoted? So what if they're only half-hearted about their ambitions? You guys really think they should drop their meager plans in order to contribute to larger, worthier projects with their meager abilities?

Maybe they only want to play around with the idea of hacking FFT for a short while, and then move on to other things. Not everyone makes this a hardcore hobby.

Don't get me wrong; those of us that are truly dedicated to our projects make this a great, strong community. But if we turn into a clique, and start making laws that prevent the up-and-coming talents from having a chance to prove themselves, then we're going to continue to be a small clique. If you want rules, keep them simple, so you don't alienate everyone right from the outset:

1) Don't post a new project with the expectation that others should do your work for you.

2) Take some time to gather your ideas, test them a bit and develop your goals before presenting it in a topic.

That's it. The dedicated will thrive, the half-hearted will fade into obscurity. Those of us interested enough in a good idea to support it will keep those topics alive.. and the rest will float down to the bottom without causing us any more grief.

The way you guys have been discussing lolpatches lately.. Well, let me put it this way: If I had never created the CoK, and I suddenly, today, posted a new topic about my idea to create a cinematic fanfiction of FFT, you'd judge it as a lolpatch and ridicule me into leaving before I could even finish the first scene. It wouldn't matter to you if I had a script, my characters, my ideas and my goals all lined up and written out; Asmo could take one look at it, see that it doesn't offer anything fresh to the community (as a plan, anyways), call it a lolpatch, and then everyone else would hop on board with him and fire the cannons until I sank.

Granted, I could hold off and not post anything until I had a completed first video, but those of you familiar with the CoK and its history know that the only reason I was able to finish The Villian of Ivalice was because I had such strong support from the Gamefaqs community. If I didn't have that, I would have stopped around the Grog Hill scene and decided that my time would be better spent working on my novels or short stories instead.


I think we should:

- moderate the new projects topics that LACK PRE-DEVELOPMENT

- Stop judging the ideas ourselves, and let them do what they do

- Allow success and failure to occur naturally
Wall of text, but an entertaining read, I hope, if you get bored enough. The actual topic is here:

http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/genmessa ... c=47766280

But I'm going to paste the highlights here. NOTE: This epic warfare is still ongoing (I think), so updates will (maybe) happen!

To summarize: Bishop Sasarai takes everything way too seriously, and he has a tendency to be an ass about it. In all honesty, what I'm doing is trolling him. However, since he is an ass, and regularly provokes people, I actually consider what I'm doing to be "counter trolling," much like I did with Hamwitch a long time ago. Also note that, in order to troll, I often say things I don't actually believe or agree with, with a mind to play with him.


Bastard Poetry:
lol gandersauce!

That line cracks me up.

That's how the love goes for the cheesy lines of the original, friend. Geronimo's a classic. My only real complaint with the PSP version are the fans like Bishop Salsafry who refuse to acknowledge that the PSP version has plenty of cheese as well. It's like a Ren-fest D&D thing, and there's a certain point where some people take it way too seriously.

This topic keeps reverting back to the PSX's cheese. We get it. We've been laughing about those lines for 10 years. Now, let's turn this topic towards the cheese of THIS version. Great start with the gandersauce, I'd say. Now how about that "slew the duke" line? I can't remember where I saw that.. When my friend watched that scene, his first response was "I gotta slew a duke of my own, if you know what I mean."

PSP cheese. Go!

Bishop Sasarai:
"My only real complaint with the PSP version are the fans like Bishop Salsafry who refuse to acknowledge that the PSP version has plenty of cheese as well."

Of course the PSP version has cheese. Every game does. Overall, however, the PSP version is much better than the original.

And my name is Bishop Sasarai. As in, Sasarai of Harmonia. As in, Harmonia from the Suikoden games. As in, Suikoden games being the best RPGs in existence.

Of course, I wouldn't expect the likes of you to appreciate them.

Bastard Poetry:
Of course, I wouldn't expect the likes of you to appreciate them.

Oh, wow.. Did you really just attack me on the possibility of my lack of appreciation for the Suikoden series?

I'm not sure how to respond to something like that.

For the sake of discovery, let's see how I could respond, determining how effective your presumptuous insult would be in the variety of possibilities concerning my relationship with said Suikoden series.

A) If I were a fan, that'd be a pretty bold and nasty assumption for you to make, seeing as how they are so amazing that I, being the die hard fan that I could be, would be trembling at the core of my being at having had my devotion to such a wonderful series be sullied and spat on by a fellow believer in the greatness of Suikoden,

or B) If I hated the series, that'd be among the lamest of all possible insults, wasted on someone who doesn't give a **** if you approve of his disdain for such a terrible, overrated monstrosity of a series, such as Suikoden, which is a name synonymous with "suck," and anyone foolish enough to associate themselves with a character from such a sucky series must also suck by proxy,

or C) If I've never played the games, and consequently have no opinion on them whatsoever, your insult transcends new levels of lame, comparable as it is to, say, a D&D kid in high school telling the biggest, meanest jock in class, "You simply lack the refined and amiable pursuit of a cause worthy enough to toss a game-saving, 12-sided die to the delectable whims of Fate"--a statement which, if I had to guess, would only end in misery on one end of the participants of such a theoretical conversation (and by "end" I mean "butt," tee and/or hee).

I'll let you guess which category I fall under. Because I don't care; any of those above responses sound fine to me, as far as responses from me go. Though I won't be hurt if you decide to stick to your firm belief that the "likes of me" couldn't even begin to fathom the wonders of Suikoden.

It's important to have steadfast convictions.

At any rate, I'm sorry I spelled your name wrong, and yes, you're right, the PSX version does have a greater text-to-cheese ratio--delicious cheese, which gives the text a wonderfully lighthearted feel that, in combination with the faster speed of battles, makes it the superior version, no doubt.

Bishop Sasarai:
"At any rate, I'm sorry I spelled your name wrong, and yes, you're right, the PSX version does have a greater text-to-cheese ratio--delicious cheese, which gives the text a wonderfully lighthearted feel that, in combination with the faster speed of battles, makes it the superior version, no doubt."

Yeah...last I checked, this game wasn't light-hearted at all, and isn't supposed to be. And cheese is delicious to an extent - too much (as in the PSX version) makes you feel sick. I mean, sure, if you like crap dialogue, then by all means, continue to hold the PSX version at a higher level.

Bastard Poetry:
No, that's cool, man, I don't play FFT for the story. It's contrived, overwrought, full of plot holes and it has very weak character development. Both versions. My main interest is in the gameplay itself; hence the reason I prefer the PSX version's faster play.

But this is all personal opinion. I'd be all for letting you have your opinion, Sassafrass, except you regularly talk down to anyone with an opinion outside your own.

Plus, aren't we dodging certain important issues, here? God damn it. Could someone like me truly be capable of appreciating the Suikoden series?

We may never know!

Bishop Sasarai:
Nope, someone like you couldn't appreciate them.

There, I answered your question, botardpoetry.

Bastard Poetry:
It's about damned time, kid.

And you're right! I can't appreciate them, because I'm not into that whole bug-eyed anime thing, and I've heard the dialogue in that series is very mundane and full of errors. I am convinced the rumors are true, and see no need to look into it any further, because the opening video had too many "brave, mysterious bishi warriors" and 12 year old girls with huge mouths, which terrified me greatly.

Well done!

Botardpoetry *Dispenses Cookie*

BusHop Salsarar counters with *Please Eat*


Oh, and for the record, I've always held the opinion that the PSP version has a better translation, overall. It was a refreshing one or two runthroughs to experience it, and now I'm back to the challenges and fast gameplay of the PSX version on 120fps.

I just think that a topic about the lame lines in this version should really stay on topic about the lame lines in this version. Making fun of the PSX version's cheese is so 1999.

This has gotten interesting.

*sits back with popcorn*

I just think that a topic about the lame lines in this version should really stay on topic about the lame lines in this version. Making fun of the PSX version's cheese is so 1999.

Actually, the original premise of this topic is that the lines in this version are lame compared to their PSX counterparts. So pointing out the flaws of the PSX script is on topic...

*sits back down to eat his popcorn*

Bastard Poetry:
Actually, the original premise of this topic is that the lines in this version are lame compared to their PSX counterparts. So pointing out the flaws of the PSX script is on topic...

Oh.. Really? I guess that'll teach me to forget to read the opening post. Really, whenever I see a topic title that has some indication of a comparison between the two versions, the first thing I do is look for Bishop Sarami's condescending posts. I like to play with him, because he is my friend and we often play.

Err.. God damn it, man. You're ruining everything I've worked for each time you post some insightful, respectful and true statement in the middle of my verbal rampages. That's not how we play this game! So.. knock it off, else I'll inflict an endlessly looping cassette tape of Menudo's Greatest Hits through the Walkman headphones cleverly stapled to your temples. I'm wily like that.

*shudders at the thought*

Sounds like one of those "fate worse than death"deals. And since I'm not interested in finding out if you're bluffing or not...

*sits off to the side with his popcorn and promises not to chime in*

Bishop Sasarai:
Bastardpoetry, you shouldn't call a 26 year old a "kid". And how old are you? 16? 17?

Oh, and your concept of Suikoden is completely off, but then again, the more intelligent group of gamers are the ones that can appreciate the series.

Bastard Poetry:
Bastardpoetry, you shouldn't call a 26 year old a "kid". And how old are you? 16? 17?

You're very close, yes. Some of the guys around here know me quite well, and I'm almost entirely convinced they would say I'm like 70. But I'm much younger, and your words have certainly humbled me into recognizing the gap in years between us, Bishop Saszorz. I forget myself sometimes, and it's reminders of the generational gap like the one you've just called to my attention that serve to ground me in a state of reality and humility. Clearly, you are much wiser than I expected; you're in that age where academic achievements now spread out to expanding career options, and I'm sure marriage and/or children are on the horizon. I'm not trying to make assumptions about you; I'm just illustrating how I perceive the mid-to-late twenties as a sort of "age of responsibilities." A time to reflect on the achievements of the first quarter of your life, to question how things will turn out in the next and, more than anything, a time to firmly establish your convictions behind naming yourself after a character in the Suikoden series, and to exert such principles over the head of my ignorant self.

Oh, and your concept of Suikoden is completely off, but then again, the more intelligent group of gamers are the ones that can appreciate the series.

Listen, I wasn't trying to hurt Suikoden's feelings. You have to understand that I'm not as familiar with the games. I've heard they are amazing, and fun and intelligent and epic; but I've also heard they have cardboard cutouts for characters and plotlines that aren't entirely unlike the lack of originality. Well, I shouldn't say that I actually heard those things. I mean, not like someone told me about the games in that way. It was more like the interpretations that I MADE, watching as I did a video on youtube to get a feel for the game's merits and shortcomings. I'm not the sort of person to say to another, "You like crappy things, and therefore have terrible taste in a wide assortment of things." I can appreciate that you hold the Suikoden series to a very high degree of respect and enjoyment. However, when you watch the same video I watched, you can see how a youngster like me would be turned off by the flagrant display of what you would call "groundbreaking, intellectual food for thought" and what I would call "bright, flashy cartoons about guys with swords and women who look like 12 year old girls with huge mouths."


This video scared me. I will admit that.

From my initial perspective: CLEARLY, the Suikoden series has cliche, mysterious "warrior types" all over the map, and girls and boys alike tend to spew glittering rain from their glowing, dinner-plate-sized cataracts. There's lots of fire and magic, which (to me at least) implies sin and devil worship. And, worse than anything else, and VERY evident in that video, is the music of the series--it's very angsty and depressing and full of nasty Metallica-like sounds that truly violate my sensibilities. I've listened to stuff like Nobuo Uematsu, Yanni and the Jonas Brothers. (I wish they'd form a band together, that'd be SO kawaii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!exclamationpoints).

My inability to cope with the Suikoden series, as it has presented itself to me, is certainly personal. I won't deny that my tastes and background alienate me against it. But I don't appreciate being told I'm "not intelligent enough to understand." I'm full of intelligence, Bishop! I know things like the difference between whole numbers and integers; that Hawthorne wrote some stuff about puritans; that the Matrix is a delusional world meant to enslave humans like batteries. You would tremble at the sheer scope of my knowledge, surely.

I like to think that we're making progress towards an inevitable friendship.


One last thing:

In that video, I did really really really like the puppy at 1:24. He was super cute and obviously made of cuddles and sunshine.

Here's a snapshot I took to show you guys so you don't have to find it in the video:

I just wish that stupid fox man would get out of the picture already.
The Lounge / Puzzle Game Thing
January 20, 2009, 10:20:39 pm
I created a puzzle game thing. I call it Puzzle Game Thing. My friend and I are working on creating a flash version of it, to release to the public someday. I thought I'd share it with you guys to see what you think.

Let us play, won't you? (I'm mainly posting this for Tiger, since he became somewhat addicted).

Also, Zodiac, let me know if the images are a problem at all, and what you would recommend I change to make this less troublesome for the site.

Puzzle #1

The objective is to clear the board. You have a certain number of "Shots," and when you destroy a marble, it will fire in two directions, indicated by the lines within them. The purple marbles with black circles do not fire in any direction, but they do need to be destroyed with the rest.

Puzzle #2

Here, you'll notice that there is a "Special." This is an extra marble that needs to be placed on the board somewhere before you fire a shot, in order to destroy it with the rest. Your answer should include first the location of the special, then the location of the shot.

Puzzle #3

This puzzle is fairly straightforward. The purpose of it is to introduce you to the concept of multitasking--that is, keeping track of multiple paths of fire at once. Time is an element, so it helps to keep track of multiple paths by counting one square at a time on each path. If a marble is destroyed, and another shot later hits that panel, that shot will continue through the panel, because the marble is no longer there.

Puzzle #4

Same idea applies here. You have two shots.

Puzzle #5

Look at B7 first of all. It needs to be hit twice--the first time, it behaves as a Red Vertical, and the second time, it behaves as a Blue Horizontal. You only have one shot, however.

Puzzle #6

B1 is another dual-layer marble that needs to be hit twice, but it does not fire in any directions because it is a dual-purple. This puzzle also has a Special marble that needs to be placed before you can fire. This one is a little tricky. It helps to know that, if these were animated in real time, a marble would shatter instantly when hit, vanishing completely before the shots fired from it hit the first squares out.

Puzzle #7

The green triangles are Portals. If a shot enters one from the bottom, it will emerge going UP from the other portal.

Puzzle #8

The black marbles are solid and indestructible. Notice that the Special in this puzzle is the companion Portal marble.

Puzzle #9

Easier than it initially looks.

Puzzle #10

A little tricky. Pay extra attention to the multiple shots being fired around as you go along. It helps to use scratch paper to keep track of the shots, one square at a time for each line.

Puzzle #100

Let's jump ahead to look at what level 100 would look like.
A3 is a dual-Blue Horizontal.

In the end, there will probably be about 1000 levels.
Spam / I hereby label darthpaul...
January 17, 2009, 06:03:11 pm
I hereby label darthpaul a bag of dicks.

His attempt to "lol bigger e-penis" look down on me has failed and... to put it simply he's a nosy bastard and I believe that he doesn't very well deserve to try to destroy the dreams of a croc wrestler.

He's probably either a troll or a janitor. Bitch obviously doesn't have croc wrestlin' skills, or at least he doesn't aspire to them, because he fears that if he does, He'll fall in the water and become a wet guy or something =P.

Let me compare this to climbing a mountain.
darthpaul believes that staying at the bottom is the best way to wrestle a croc, and to see it tamed. I on the other hand believe that if you don't climb the mountain, you'll never tame the Christmas Croc at the summit. As I begin to climb, he advises that if I make one wrong move, I'll fall in the water, and that there is no chance that I'll NOT make a wrong move. He basically is assuring me that I'll fail. Claiming that he is lol bigger e-penis. But what does he know of croc wrestling, if he does not put his hand on the face of the lumbering rock (to reach the summit and, effectively, wrestle the Christmas Croc)?

In essence, he is telling me, "You gunna fail no matter what." Sadly, I believe that is a load, as he has never tried from what he's told me. How would he know? He doesn't. Maybe his 'realist' outlook forces him to give up when he maybe wants to try something new. Or maybe he's just a bag of dicks who can't wrestle crocs.

To wrap this up, darthpaul is now a heretic to the FFH society, so declares me. All who would second this, please say lolwut?

And here is my song about Christmas Croc:

"Along the Serengeti, I'm a-huntin' for some prey,
Here comes gazelle, I hope he wants to play
Merry Christmas to you!"