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I put on my robe and wizard hat... (D&D Forum RP)

Started by Celdia, October 31, 2011, 04:42:21 am

Randomname

1 criticism.

change "high enough for kings" to "fit for a king".  fits better to music, i think.

Ryqoshay

Quote from: Randomname on December 03, 2011, 01:35:20 am
change "high enough for kings" to "fit for a king".  fits better to music, i think.


I shan't deny that I considered this before the current version. However, while the syllables align better on paper, the stresses do not. After singing it to myself, then asking several coworkers to do the same, it was concluded that the natural tendency was to stretch 'fit' and double up 'for a' for whatever reason. I could not for the life of me get gold to work, even using words like 'ransom' instead of 'stack' as well as several others. After a brief survey, we decided that using the current version and doubling up several syllables is the 'least awkward' of the lot. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm still uncomfortable with it, and I do intend to change it should I figure out a phrase whose stresses work better, but for now, it will take a back burner to the other songs I'm destroying... I mean 're-writing'... In this light, I do wish to rephrase or change outright, "eleven works of fine art" for the same awkwardness of stresses, even though the number of syllables is the same. This is also why I chose "bolts enchanted" over "enchanted bolts," the stresses feel better.
/end rant...
I'm happy to accept criticism though, as it often sheds new light on my work.
Hurry down the chimney tonight.

Celdia

You put far too much time and effort into this shit, Ryqo. -___-

Ryqoshay

Quote from: Celdia on December 03, 2011, 02:31:26 pm
You put far too much time and effort into this shit, Ryqo. -___-


It's funny, my coworkers used to say the same thing...

But they don't any more...
Hurry down the chimney tonight.

Celdia


RavenOfRazgriz

Quote from: Ryqoshay on December 03, 2011, 01:14:19 pmAfter singing it to myself, then asking several coworkers to do the same, it was concluded that the natural tendency was to stretch 'fit' and double up 'for a' for whatever reason.


I'm more worried about the fact you got coworkers to sing a bastardized Christmas song about a wooden cart...

Ryqoshay

Quote from: RavenOfRazgriz on December 03, 2011, 10:52:59 pm
I'm more worried about the fact you got coworkers to sing a bastardized Christmas song about a wooden cart...


It wasn't as hard as you might imagine, they get bored too.
Hurry down the chimney tonight.

Ryqoshay

Hey! Listen! Let Yvonne sing!
"Glory to the Fire King!
Death to earth and also water
Air may join in the slaughter."
Joyful, all flame Lirai rise!
Join the triumph of the fires!
With the pixie hosts proclaim:
"Hiran rules the Fire Plane!"
Hey! Listen! Let Yvonne sing!
"Glory to the Fire King!"

Hiran, highest fire adored
Hiran, ever-burning Lord!
Old as time, behold him come
Offspring, his, unnumbered sum
Veiled in flame, the Godhead see
Fire incarnate Deity
Pleased to burn and burning us
Hiran, Nobiscum Deus
Hey! Listen! Let Yvonne sing!
"Glory to the Fire King!"

Hail the flame-born Prince of Heat!
Hail the Sun that can't be beat!
Light and warmth to all He brings
Ris'n with fire in his wings
Hot He lays His burning by
So that all shall every fry
Born to rule the Fire Plane
Born into eternal reign
Hey! Listen! Let Yvonne sing!
"Glory to the Fire King!"
Hurry down the chimney tonight.

st4rw4k3r

-Name: Delta
-Gender/Sex: (What ever is wanted)
-Race: Changeling (What ever is wanted) http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/Changelings_(3.5e_Race)
-Age: Unknown
-Birth Place: Unknown
-Appearance/Clothing: (What ever is wanted)

-History/Background/Motivation/Goals: Not Completely Known.
    Found washed up on a river shore one day by a traveling merchant, and taken to a temple, to be doctored by a Priest. But, when upon awaking, it was found that the kid remembered nothing; Name, Past, Family, Friends, Birth Date, Brith Place, ... were all unknown. The Priest "encourged" the Merchant (with a mighty fine bill) to take Delta with him, and teach the kid of life at the exchange of the bill fines being wiped. This Merchant would soon to be known as Bae.

    To Bae's surprise, the kid he took under his wing, turned out to be a shapeshifter, and a powerful psion. In awe of the amazing shifting feat the kid posed, he dubbed the kid Delta. Delta was a fast re/learner, and it wasn't long before Delta was able to help Bae work. the Two spent years to come working as merchants together.
Twelve years they spent together. It all ended when an assassin took his life, with a sadistic blade. He said last three words to Delta, that from this day linger in Delta's head, haunting, reminding, "Love.. You.... Delta...." He opened his hand reveiling a letter, and sighed with his last breath. Delta, after crying until no more tears came. Following the instructions on the letter, Delta took Bae's pocket watch, their money, the horse, the cart, everything they worked so hard for. Delta set him a flame, watching until his body was reduced to ashes. Hanging head low, Delta began walking headed somewhere, anywhere but there.

Delta's main goal is to regain losts memories, while presurving the memory of Bae.

-Combat Style: Delta uses Psionic Powers to get an advantage in battle.
-Religious Affiliation: Delta is in love with religion and sees all gods as a different form of the main one.
Although she is mostly devoted to the gods: Bahamut and Odinn.

Kalas

I'll be in Massachusetts until tomorrow night so no activity for me until then.


MysticKnightFF5

If Hogarth dies...
-Name: Thanatos Exeros
-Gender/Sex: Male
-Race: Alynthi Elf
-Age (Human Equivalent): 22
-Birth Place: Alynthia
-Appearance/Clothing: A light chainmail shimmers black under his heavy black shawl, draping down to the small of his powerful back. His legs coated in the same shimmering chainmail, strong and sturdy as tree trucks. This behemoth of an elf has undergone significantly tougher training than the average warrior, and has additionally learned to strengthen himself using magic.
-History/Background/Motivation/Goals: A son of a powerful warrior, he aspired to become like his dad. However, his father went to war, and is still in the military, fighting to keep Alynthia safe. So, his father was not there when he graduated top of his fighting class. Nor was he there for when Thanatos left home, searching for a greater good.
He was never there, and it burns in Thanatos' mind everytime he's reminded.
-Combat Style: He relies purely on his dual scythes, twirling in an endless dance to wreak havoc, known as Death by some, and Living Hurricane by others, he has earned much infamy for his unique style of fighting. His wears a chainmail threaded into nodes on his chest in order to keep it from flailing about. Prefers complete domination over stealthy tactics.
-Religious Affiliation (if any): Atheist, however he will gladly worship to avoid insulting anybody. He enjoys studying religion for its philosophical points.

If Hogarth lives...
-Name: Rex Lazuli
-Gender/Sex: Male
-Race: Alynthi Elf
-Age (Human Equivalent): 19
-Birth Place: Alynthia
-Appearance/Clothing: A rather slender warrior--yet a strong one. He dons himself with a purely-for-aesthetics captain's uniform. It's blue with gold trims. He wields with him a single sword he has named Lazuli. As does all swordmages, he has bonded with his blade, and on some level, become emotional about it. His only emotional moment. He has sleek black hair which was once held together in a very profession form, but now in a more jovial appearance. Underneath his clothing, his skin is branded and scarred countless times with runes of magic. His eyes, in fact, have their own runes which glow bright when gathering or releasing magical power, which is essentially all the time.
-History/Background/Motivation/Goals: This man has been trained by the best and brightest in the academy of the elite, of the brave and magically inclined. The Swordmage Academy. He was always rivals with one student named Rellia, fighting fiercely for the valedictorian. In the final days of the fifth year of training (out of eight years) Rex had lost the title. Before then, they had both been considered valedictorian. They attempted to settle it with duels, with tie-breaker tests, with teacher created tests of ability, and even with real life tests of tactics or battle ability in different situations, but no matter what happened, they almost always came out as a tie. Then, they dueled. For the first time ever, it was not a tie, and somehow, Rellia had learned something Rex did not. Normally, Rex and Rellia would both stay and practice at the academy over times of student release, however that year Rellia had gone outside to train.
Rex then concluded that the academy has offered all that it could to him, so he then decided to quit the academy and become a traveler.
He was never there, and it burns in Thanatos' mind everytime he's reminded.
-Combat Style: This swordmage strikes quickly and relentlessly, while able to take a decent amount of damage, he tries not to.
In order to attempt getting an edge over Rellia, which she thought of the same thing, he trained in the offensive and restoration arts as well.
-Religious Affiliation (if any): Atheist, and will gladly tell you your religion is stupid.