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Final Fantasy Tactics: Brave Story

Started by Timbo, April 29, 2020, 11:58:23 pm

Timbo

April 29, 2020, 11:58:23 pm Last Edit: April 30, 2020, 08:51:25 pm by Timbo
Brave Story is a long time coming. It's primarily a script update for Final Fantasy Tactics. It uses TLW as it's base, and because I'm a serious procrastinator, I've waited until now to actually get started.

Similar to my other project, Secret of Mana: Relocalized, Brave Story is going to be a re-interpretation of the existing English translations. Both the original and re-release, have huge problems. In most cases, Brave Story will find a compromise between it's original translator's script and Tom Slattery's rewrite.

I'm not going to go super fast. I'll probably drop a script for an event every couple days. The idea is to get feedback and criticism from the community. I'll be upfront though, this script will not be beholden to the nostalgic quirks of the original. Also, this draft is going to be rough.

Also, I want to give a special thanks up front to MostSeriousness who's script dump I shamelessly borrowed from Gamefaqs and Elric for letting me bend the rules of this forum for this post this.

001 Orbonne Prayer
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Princess Ovelia is praying inside Orbonne monastery. She is alone at the
altar while a female knight and a man in holy robes look after her.]

Ovelia: O Father, abandon not Your wayward children of Ivalice, but deliver us from our sins, that we might know salvation.

Agrias: Princess Ovelia, we need to go.

Ovelia (still kneeling): I'll not be much longer, Lady Agrias.

Agrias: Your escort has already arrived, Majesty.

Simon: Please, heed the good lady's words, Highness. You must hurry.

[The view rotates as three men walk through the front doors. A swordsman is clearly the leader of the three.]

Gafgarion: What's going on in here? It's been nearly an hour!

Agrias: Gafgarion, you forget yourself! You are in the presence of the princess!

[The two men behind Gafgarion, the swordsman, kneel instantly. Gafgarion remains standing, but bows his head.]

Gafgarion: Will this do, milady? Need I remind you that we don't have time for idle pleasantries?

Agrias: Tell me, has the Northern Sky sunk so low, as to allow vulgar knaves in its Order?

Gafgarion: I've been more than generous here, Guard Captain. We're mercenaries employed by the Northern Sky. We're not obliged to pay trivial courtesies to the likes of you.

Agrias: How dare you!

Ovelia (standing): Enough. Let us be on our way.

[The two men behind Gafgarion rise as Ovelia walks to address the robed man.]

Simon: Go with God.

Ovelia: And you, Bishop.

[A flash of lightning covers the screen as an injured female knight enters the
church. She limps towards the Princess. The Elder priest rushes to her aid.]

Knight: Lady Agrias! The enemy is upon us!

Simon: Duke Goltanna's men!?

[Agrias rushes outside without a moment's hesitation. Gafgarion addresses his
men.]

Gafgarion: The things we do for money... What's the matter Ramza? Afraid to get your hands dirty?

Ramza: I'm a no longer a knight. Just another sellsword like you.

Gafgarion: Right then. Let's go!

[The three men follow Agrias outside.]

Ovelia: Deliver us, O Lord...

A couple notes:


-Gafgarion uses idioms. It gives him a lowborn feel without requiring the highborn characters speak in WotL faux-Shakespearean.

-Ovelia's prayer is supposed to resemble something akin to the King James Bible. I intended for Ovelia and Agrias to a lesser degree to sound more highborn and hopefully their speech reflects that without going to far over the top.

-The Ivalician's are back to being primarily monotheistic. Tom Slattery has admitted that they were intended as such despite the fact that his script replaces many instances of God with gods and the rest with Father or Lord. I'm pretty sure Square Enix forced his hand on this one...

-Though it doesn't come up in this script I'll be using magic instead of magick in most instances. In this canon, words like Magick and Auracite are archaic words. As of right now, I intend to keep terms like this limited to archaic documents like Germonique's scriptures.

-Character names are basically going to be whatever I feel like has the better localization. Algus sounds more like a real name than Argath, so I'm going to use that. Olan will be Orlan, because duh. Vormav is staying. Draclau is updating to Delacroix, Queklain is CĂșchulainn, and Velius is Belias. Again, these are names more accurate and I'm not beholden to nostalgia.

Again, I'm looking for feedback and criticism. I want to know what people think about my choices. I'm not going to have arguments though. I'm not interested spending more of my free time fighting people over nitpicks than I am working on this mod. I'm not very worried about this. FFHacktics is a great community with excellent people working behind the curtain.
  • Modding version: PSX
  • Discord username: Timbo

Nyzer

In Ovelia's first line, it should be trespasses.

Something I really like about the WotL translation in this scene is that when Gafgarion bows his head, he's actually a bit sassy about it, calling Ovelia's prayer "idle pleasantries" that the group is wasting their time on. It works well with his refusal to actually bow, and does a lot to support Agrias' scornful reply. In both the PSX and your version, having her call him a rude/vulgar knave is a little unwarranted - he just comes across as concerned about the time rather than being outright provocative. I'd personally prefer to see that line lean more towards the PSP version, maybe something along the lines of "Apologies, Agrias. Allow me to try again. Ahem. Why, milady, are we still wasting our time?"

Ramza's line doesn't fit with what Gafgarion is saying. Gafgarion is asking (for some reason) if Ramza doesn't feel like doing his job - "I'm a knight no longer" isn't an answer to that. This would work better if Gafgarion said something like "Ah, what one must do to make money these days. Got any problems with the idea of profiting from this conflict, Ramza?"
  • Modding version: PSX & WotL
  • Discord username: Nyzer

Timbo

I don't think that statement has enough bite but I like where your head is at.

Gafgarion: Will this do, milady? Need I remind you that we don't have time for idle pleasantries?

I fiddled with that second line a lot. There's a lot of different ways to interpret the original one. It seems during his retranslation, Slattery interpreted this as a commentary about how the common class has to get it's hands dirty to survive. Infact, I rather like that.


Gafgarion: The things we do for money... What's the matter Ramza? Afraid to get your hands dirty?

Ramza: I'm a no longer a knight. Just another sellsword like you.


I feel like this implies the situation well enough. What do you think?
  • Modding version: PSX
  • Discord username: Timbo

Nyzer

April 30, 2020, 01:00:23 pm #3 Last Edit: April 30, 2020, 08:41:30 pm by Nyzer
Yeah, I think both work. I actually think my version of Gafgarion's line has more bite because it implies a very sarcastic tone - but yours is a great balance between the PSX and PSP versions.

Edit: Though it'd be better if he didn't call Agrias "milady"; I had him doing it in the line I offered because he was being sarcastic.

And changing it to a line about "getting your hands dirty" makes the comment about not being a knight work. Doesn't make quite as much sense at a glance, but having it be a subtle dig at knights/nobility by Gafgarion suits him perfectly, and Ramza would be aware of Gafgarion's feelings by this point.
  • Modding version: PSX & WotL
  • Discord username: Nyzer

Timbo

The next three events were pretty short so I lumped them all together.


002 Orbonne Monastery - Battle
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Agrias and her knights stand before a host of enemy knights. It is raining.]

Agrias: They bear the crest of the Black Lion...Duke Goltana must be mad! Does he mean to start a war?

Knight: You there, wench! You cannot hope to defeat us! You will surrender the princess! If not...Well, I would hate to see anything happen to that pretty face of yours.

[Gafgarion, Ramza and Radd join the girls.]

Gafgarion: A head-on assault. Goltana's men...fools one and all.

Agrias: In that case, we should be able to handle this without you, Gafgarion.

Gafgarion: Maybe you could, but there's no money to be made in that! Radd! Ramza! With me!


003 Orbonne Battle (Gafgarion & Agrias Chat)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gafgarion: Kill them all! Leave no man standing!

Agrias: You would have us slaughter them? Are you mad? Kill them here and you'll have played into Duke Goltana's hands! We need only put them to rout!

Gafgarion: I find dead men rout more easily.


004 Orbonne Battle (Abducting Ovelia)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[After the battle we see the rain soaked roof of Orbonne Monastery.  From the inside of the church we hear Ovelia scream.]

Ovelia: Unhand me!

[Agrias and Ramza run to her aide. Inside the princess is struggling with an armored assailant.  He is Delita.]

Delita: This way. Be quick! And try making a little less noise.

Ovelia: I'll not take orders from you!

Delita: You've quite a mouth on you, Princess.

[Delita strikes Ovelia, knocking her unconscious.  She falls into him.]

Agrias: Wait!!

Delita: Too late. You can blame yourself or God. Just leave me out of it.

[Delita continues on as Agrias tries to catch him.}

Agrias: Oh God. It cannot be...

Ramza: Delita? You're alive? But, why are you fighting for Goltana?

[The rain continues to fall as the two look on.]


Notes:
-Went with Apparently, Rad, Radd, and Ladd were all English male names at one point.  I went with Radd because Rad is too Bill and Ted and Ladd is too on the nose. Plus who doesn't like a little extra d every now and again...
-Delita's big iconic line is in 4th event here. It's one of those lines that's so bad it's good. But that doesn't stop it from being bad so it has to go. I tried to keep phrase "blame yourself or God" together because I'm not completely barbaric. I'm very open to suggestion here.
-This series of events is honestly, some of Slattery's best work in WotL, so a lot of it is word for word.
  • Modding version: PSX
  • Discord username: Timbo

Elric

I vote to keep "blame yourself or god" because wotl not having that was the first reason i shut the game off the first time i tried to play it :P
  • Modding version: PSX
<@Angel> Teach a man to fish and he'll open up a fishery to compete against yours.


Journey of the Five Youtube ChannelThe Lion War Current Status
  
Jot5 Leader :: Eventer :: OtherTLW Leader :: Eventer :: Other

Timbo

Quote from: Elric on April 30, 2020, 08:45:35 pmI vote to keep "blame yourself or god" because wotl not having that was the first reason i shut the game off the first time i tried to play it :P
Agreed.

This next event was tricky. Trying to stay true to either Vanilla or WotL was difficult because both scripts are very flawed in this scene.

005 Military Academy
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arazlam (narrating):

Records of the hero Delita first appear one year before the outbreak of the Lion War.

Ivalice's loss of the Fifty Year War robbed it's returning knights of their lands, titles, and even worse, their loyalty to the Crown.

Many became rogues and traitors, men turning to thievery and plotting treason against the Crown.

It was a time of great unrest for Ivalice - murder and theft were commonplace. Many heroes stepped forward to counter this threat. And the city of Gariland, saw its fair share of them...


Chapter I: The Meager

Cadet #1: Another wagon was struck last night on its way to Igros.

Cadet #2: The Corpse Brigade again?

Ramza: I wonder where all this leads...Delita, what do you make of this?

Delita: I'm not sure. I have my guesses, but...

Ramza: I'm listening.

Delita: Duke Larg is coming to Gariland.

Ramza: Duke Larg? Why?

Delita: Not just the duke. The Marquis Elmdore de Limberry, too.

Ramza: That's the first I've heard of it. This has not the sound of a state visit.

Delita: All of Ivalice is in turmoil. The Order's supposed to be keeping things under control, but the fact is, they number too few.

Ramza: And they mean to bolster their numbers with us?

Man's Voice (from outside the hall):All right, everybody, fall in!

[The Cadets file in as a Knight enters the room.  He takes the center position at the head of the gallery.]

Knight: The Order of the Northern Sky has an assignment for its cadets. As I'm sure you're already aware, the number of brigands roaming Gallione is on the rise. Among them, the Corpse Brigade...a seditious lot with a grudge against the Crown. They must be dealt with. The Order has been commanded to eliminate the Brigade. The Northern Sky will be joined by His Excellency Duke Larg's personal guard, stationed at Igros. This operation will leave Igros Castle undermanned. Your assignment is to proceed there, and support us from the rear by bolstering its defenses.

[A female Knight walks in, whispers something briefly to the KNIGHT, then leaves in a rush.]

Knight: Cadets, ready your swords! I've just received word that a band of thieves routed by our knights flees here to Gariland, seeking refuge. We will move to prevent them. Cadets, you will accompany us to the frontline. Prepare yourselves at once! Dismissed!

[The screen goes dark as the apprentices file out of the room to face their opponents. They stand in the streets of Gariland against the band of thieves.]

Notes:
  • Death Corps. It's a fun pun, but it breaks the setting. I went back to the direct translation here because it's members are disgraced feudal soldiers and not Vietnam War veterans.
  • Academy not Akademy because Akademy is just as bad as Technicks
  • Modding version: PSX
  • Discord username: Timbo

Timbo

I'm not sure if this is the best place to ask for help. But something is wrong with the event that won't allow me to compile it or any of the ones that follow it in sequence. I'm losing my my trying to figure this out. What did I do wrong?005 BS Military Academy.txt
  • Modding version: PSX
  • Discord username: Timbo

RetroTypes

The line in the first message "in desperation..." is missing a } after the initial delay setting.
  • Modding version: PSX

Timbo

Quote from: RetroTypes on May 04, 2020, 06:20:47 pmThe line in the first message "in desperation..." is missing a } after the initial delay setting.
Thank you. I can't believe I missed that.
  • Modding version: PSX
  • Discord username: Timbo