Final Fantasy Hacktics

"HAIL AND HONOR" Hogarth yells, forgetting her inside-voice, as she approaches, looking much like she just rolled out of bed which in fact she did. "Goblins, eh? Sounds like fun after dealing with those damned mages." It appears Hogarth missed half the conversation (or heard what she wanted to hear(killing goblins)) and doesn't notice that the man seated is SPARKLING. Slamming her fist upon the table, she puts on a huge toothy grin. "When do we eat? WHEN DO WE FIGHT."

Hogarth laughs at Nathalie's stuttering observation, but not in a mocking way. "Triumphant it is, friend Nathalie! I feel tired yet from our glorious battle with magic today. Gonna go sleep." she announces, rather abruptly and in completely jerking the conversation in an opposite direction. She marches upstairs, and knocks on several doors before being helped to her own room, herself unable to read the room numbers.

Hogarth staggers over to Nathalie, throws a heavy, scarred arm around her neck, and breathes her boozy breath at Nathalie, not meaning to or realizing she's doing it. "It got to a point where the forest held no challenge for me, and I decided to seek new lands to fight and kill. From the outskirts of Alynthia, I have marched and hired my services to many a folk. I have hunted, and felt the joy of the earth under my feet. I must've killed everything's that walked or crawled sometime or another on my journey. The THRILL OF LIFE" she howls joyously, raising her arms and stomping over for more meat.

"You shall know THIS VERY DAY!" she bellows, raising her fists into the air. "We conquered a spot of tundra outside a forest, bountiful with its gifts of food and hardship. Half the village would go into the forest, killing and maiming all in our path for the other half's dinner, and the next day it was their turn to share in the glory. Those who stayed behind for the day made offerings to Crom, terrible god of Wrath, and Graalfag, honored God of Blood. We thrived in the ice of the land, carving our VERY HOMES OUT OF THE ICE AND ROCK!"

This looks like it might take awhile.

"I come from the frozen wastelands of the north!" she shouts, standing up and putting on a heroic, but drunken, pose. "From a tribe that separated from Alynthia, we forsook the cowardly arts of wizardry and forged ourselves in battle for blessings from our horrible, insatiable gods!" She flashes an even drunker grin, and tears off another piece of the pig with her teeth, as if to emphasize her point.

Noticing the living rock's dilemma, she shovels food onto a plate and sets it on the ground for Rhyhorn. "Eat well, brave Rhyhorn, for the bravest fools need their strength!" Grabbing a fresh bottle of ale, she gulps the whole thing down with minimal effort. She is inspired to her own song, much like the sprite.

"I'm very well aquainted with the seven deadly sins
I keep a busy schedule trying to fit them in
I'm proud to be a glutton, and I don't have time for sloth
I'm greedy, and I'm angry, and I don't care who I cross

I'm Mrs. Bad Example, intruder in the dirt
I like to have a good time, and I don't care who gets hurt
I'm Mrs. Bad Example, take a look at me
I'll live to be a hundred, and go down in infamy!"

She roars with laughter, before dizzily slumping heavily onto a chair.

Hogarth is stomping her way out, when she notices a goblin prepared slaughtered pig. Grabbing the entire platter, she proceeds to eat her bread and drink her ale, while tearing out hunks of the pig and then tearing smaller bits out with her sharp teeth. "Grunt." she says.

"Too dead to eat." snorts Hogarth, ashamed to be seen in a banquet hall where all the food has been cooked so thoroughly. Not one rare or bloody hunk of meat to be found. She snatches some bread and a bottle of ale, and goes to find fairer game.

Emerging from the water, Hogarth shakes herself dry, like a wolf, and in fact much like the wolf whose pelt she now wears. Dry enough, she puts her belts and pelt back on, straps her axe on her back, and stomps off towards ale. And also food.

Hogarth grabs the rhino and hurls him out of the water, and onto the ground, nearby where he had laid her. "Now we are even for rescuing me from the stone shark, friend Rhyhorn."

A mighty clash of titans ensues! Like Godzilla and Rodan before them, the stoned rhino and the angered barbarian attack one another, knocking each other back and causing HUGE WAVES OF STEAMING WATER to crash against the sides of the pool! The rhino holds the berserker's head underwater, she picks him up and slams him against the water! Both tear huge chunks out of each other, eyes glowing red from pure hatred and battle!

Or Hogarth slipped on a bar of soap someone dropped.

"VICTORY ON THE HIGH SEAS" roars Hogarth, charging at the shark, fists balled to deal gobs of pain.

Snorting awake, and hearing the pixie sing in the next room, Hogarth removes her belts and wolf pelt, drops her axe, and enters the water, just lurking in it on the edge, almost utterly submerged, and sits unmoving.

"because I barely knew her, friend yvonne" mutters Hogarth, half dreaming-half awake nonsense being uttered.

"THEY ARE BITTER! They taste nothing like apples baked into a pie." Hogarth shouts at Yvonne, remaining lying down and clutching her forehead. "Sorry for loud making. Rage make brain hurt bad. Makes me sleepy, but happy I cut off that demon's arm" she chuckles to herself.

Hogarth throws her last apple core at the shrieking woman, roaring "In the name of Mollock, WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING!!! Hogarth is trying to sleep!" She eyes the woman wearily, recognition edging its way into the stone-thick barbarian skull, before she shakes away the feeling.

Hogarth sleepily reaches over and grabs one of the plants, chomping on it before realizing it's not edible and spitting it out. "Your food is awful" she mutters and drifts back to sleep.

Snorting awake for a second, Hogarth throws an apple core she still has at the sound of the nearest, loudest noise and goes back to sleep, her snore just as loud as before.

Not getting a response from Rhyhorn, Hogarth wanders around, and notices a leather, heavy belt. "SHOPKEEP!" she bellows, causing the vendor and potion jars to rattle and tremble. "I demand to know what this belt does." Nervously, the vendor stutters out the magic properties of the Belt of One Mighty Blow. It's not the one she pointed at, but the vendor decides, from the look of her, it'd be the one she'd want anyways. "Give to Hogarth." she says through gritted teeth, narrowing her eyes and plunking down 75 platinum to cover the difference after store credit is applied. Grabbing the belt and fitting it on, she climbs in Rhyhorn's cart, flips a single gold coin at the chest, and falls asleep, exhausted from battle, muttering "I am one of all the things..."

Her snoring is loud and obnoxious.

Hogarth stands firm for a moment, staring right into the guild member's eyes, and getting off a good 8 second scream at her. That might not sound like much, but try it, it's harder than it sounds. Weary, she reluctantly follows her friends and the mage into the guild hall, grabbing a small bit of apple from the wall and rubbing it into one of her wounds, its sweet ichor reminding her of her victory over magic. "Friend Rhyhorn.. The orcs will pay you another few silver pieces for allowing me to sleep in all the things" she mumbles, trailing off, head drooped.