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Story Discussion  (Read 23630 times)
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LastingDawn [Posts: 3452]
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  • [February 08, 2009, 12:02:36 AM]
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« Reply #20 on: February 08, 2009, 12:02:36 AM »
Here are my thoughts on the Zeakden Antagonist, he's in the normal game, and his role is... well it's a throw away role really. Though it is because of his blank slate status that we can use him in this fashion. This character is the teacher from the opening, the one who gives Ramza and his troupe the go ahead to head to Igros after dispatching them to defeat the thieves in Gariland.

Now what if his goals were not so earnest? Who sends a cadet with a troupe of his own to challenge thieves and rogues, enemies of the state? A very powerful brother of said cadet. This is basically the start of it, but let's assume his inferiority complex runs deeper... His jealousy of Ramza made prevalant? Well this is what I think the cores of this character should be.

1.Jealous of Ramza for being from one of the noblest houses in the land.

2. Looks at how much Ramza had achieved with his small detachment?

 3. A deep running rivalry with the Nanten (which is the section Algus hails from)

4. A commander of little note in the Fifty Year War, though when danger showed up again, it was not he who had been chosen, but of course the ever gifted little brother of the Hokuten Leader.

 5. A special mission assigned from Dycedarg to finally attain glory, as well as satisfy his need for vengeance against the Nanten on the little noble who had stumbled into Gallione.
---------------------------------------------------

There are a few opportunities to develop this man's character. The first is obviously the opening, giving him an exasperated tone with Ramza, and a barely concealed dislike sets his character up for later points.

Ramza and Delita can speak about him, showing they are quite familiar with him. Also his Brave Story record can show that he was a commander who fared decently against Omdolia in the Fifty Year War. Though when it came to work together with the Nanten to push them back, he askewed the efforts, being honorably discharged and sent to train Cadets in the Military Academy.

Thus enters Ramza, a hotshot noble from the Beoulve clan, given every special favor and with an ever so "humble" attitude. He didn't have the heart to be a leader, especially of his Own students. Yet orders from above put that little brat in charge! As the years went by, the man's hate for Ramza escalated that it was a hardly a secret. By the final year, all of Ramza's peers recognized the malice this man had for him.

Perhaps the breaking point was when he sent Ramza and his followers off to fight a group of desperate and fairly deranged thieves. Locking the doors to the Academy behind them, forcing them to fight in a life or death situation.

(Replacing the Balbanes scene)
Ramza and Delita confront the teacher, after breaking the door down. Inside they find the teacher making out with the female knight that delivered the message to him. Ramza and Delita rudely interrupt them, demanding to know why the door was shut. The female knight runs off and the teacher makes up an excuse as to why the door was locked "To assure none of the bandits reached here of course..." Delita brazen enough to ask if he planned for them to fail, citing the little make-out session with the female knight. The teacher visibly scoffs at the idea. Explaining the whole of the thing away. "I was clearly celebrating your victory! Any fool with a lick of sense could see that!"

Ramza having enough of it, stops the current situation. Asking the teacher for their next orders. He explains that Dycedarg wanted Ramza to return to his home in Igros. Also that he was free to take his little "band" with him. Ramza gives a customary bow, while Delita just leaves. Ramza leaves shortly there after. The teacher just sighs, cue end scene.

Next we see of the teacher is after the Beoulve residence is attacked, he is meeting with Dycedarg before Ramza, Delita, and Alma arrive. The teacher arrives, addressing Dycedarg in a humble tone, which he seems to have trouble doing... "Oh most gracious, powerful... gracious... Lord of the Beoulve clan, what can this lowly servant do to aid you?" Bowing of course. Dycedarg tells him there is no need for such formality, they were "old friends" after all. He tells him of the situation, and what glory is to be gained for putting the final nail into the Death Corps coffin. No doubt winning a place of renown. "Also the matter of a troublesome little noble from Limberry who wishes to go back to his leader. A strong boy to be sure, and could become a thorn in our side, if we let him go..."

The teacher says he understands, and heads off to prepare his specialized troop (also to note this group is from the academy as well, more then likely the rivals to Ramza's own team.)


Next you meet him is Zeakden, where the scene plays out normally

Golagros: Flee from whence you came! Your precious noble would come to harm if you do not. Any tricks you may have are based on a fools errand. The powder inside the fort is vast. A quantity enough to make even hell quiver!

Teacher: High spoken commoner... who does he think he is?

[Ramza and Delita finally arrives at the scene.]

Ramza: (Teacher)! Algus!!

[Delita sees Algus.]

Delita: Algus!!

Algus: Delita and Ramza! Thank the gods!

Golagros: You wouldn't wish harm on this young man, would you? As I would not, but if my hand is forced...

Teacher:Tch! Spill the blood of all the Nanten for all I care! But this one's mine!

Algus: What?!

[Teacher aims and shoots at Algus.]

Golagros: May Heaven's blessings be upo...
[Teacher shoots again. This time at Golagros, wounding him.]

Algus: My friends...

Delita: Algus!
[A Hokuten knight appears from the shadow behind Zalbag.]

Hokuten Knight: General (Teacher), more enemies are on the
mountain path! There are about 50 of them. I've been informed
one of them resembles Wiegraf!

Teacher: Wiegraf! What a day! To catch the leader and squash a bug of a Nanten!

[looks around and notices Ramza and his band]

Teacher: Hmm? I'll be right there, just have to take care of something first...

Golagros: I must beg your forgiveness, holy Ajora...
[Golagros locks himself inside the fort.]

Delita: Algus! Hold on for a while longer, we will save you!

Teacher: Bahaha! I've been waiting for this day! For four long years... this is a dream come true!

Delita: (Teacher)! You...! You've become...

Teacher: A child of the highest house... and a child of no house... I will show you both...

Ramza: (Teacher), have you lost your mind! This is...

Teacher: That no matter what kind of blood, noble or common! It all drops the same!

[Teacher signals in his own specially picked troops, Ramza's own classmates]

Ramza: Have you gone insane?! Is this truly the best decision? To rebel against the Hokuten?! Bringing along others in your coup will...

Teacher:Coup? Silly little boy! This is your brother's orders! That Algus Sadalfas, quite a gifted soldier indeed. At his young age, already mastering such abilities... he was a hindrance to us! A Nanten in Gallione is a dangerous infiltration, and was too close to your brother Zalbag for Dycedarg's comfort!

Ramza: Wiegraf's words ring true then... Why though? Why...

Teacher:Why what? Why was I chosen? Because Dycedarg saw I had potential! He knew you and your "oh so pious do-gooder" of a brother would never undertake this task! I was once a commander! One small blunder thanks to the Nanten cost me everything! I was demoted to teaching you pathetic brats how to fight! It is only because of Dycedarg that you went anywhere in life! Without him you're nothing! That is where you will soon return to now, nothingness. I'll put you out of the picture, and claim the glory that I righfully deserve! The end of the Death Corps belong to me!

Ramza: You're a mad man...

Teacher: And you? You're a spoiled little brat, who always got his way! You lived in a candy coated world, filled with only your own views and illusions! A child like you has no right to tell me my own state of mind! You had everything given to you, yet you could have asked for much more!

Ramza: What is this madness, you speak of...?

Teacher: Everything might have been different had you exercised the powers that were your birth given right! But your humble nature let you fall into the hands of another! Dycedarg controls the strings and you are all his little puppets. How fitting your humility would leave you to die in such an ignoble place! Time to cut a few strings short!

Ramza: You would be underestimating me, (Teacher), if you choose to view me in such a way.

Teacher: Is that so? Well your form appears to have improved, along with your overall leadership, but that is as far as it goes, you're still just a boy unsure of what you want to do, or where to go. I can use this confusion, this situation was over before it began. You should stop resisting and submit to your fate, it will make things much simpler. Your ranks are falling apart and your band's strength fades in the face of our assault!

Ramza: You vain fool... you are doing what you accuse me of.  I have a realistic grip on this situation, whie you view us as insects to be exterminated. Your blind ignorance and lack of foresight must be what Wiegraf sees in most nobles. Alas, even I must agree, you resemble what the majority have become...

 Ramza: Delita, you are wounded!

 Delita: The fight is not the same... these are our classmates... is it truly neccessary to fight them, in such a struggle?

 Ramza: Once we defeat (Teacher), this should calm the madness...

(Defeat All Enemies at Mandalia)
Teacher: Save your Nanten friend, defeat me, then what do you plan? To go home? Hah! Dycedarg's plan is ruined then. Who do you think is to be blamed for this failure? You would stand directly against your brother? The reason for your being?!

Ramza:No... I... that's not... Gmph!!


(Save Algus)
 Teacher: I am willing to call this off, Ramza... Wiegraf is close by, if you do not know. Let us work together to catch the leader of the Death Corps and put all this ugliness behind us...

 Ramza: You would rather I leave Algus here to die... he was our responsibility! We were his shield! Our offer of protection to him is nothing more then crumbled ashes by this point!

 Teacher: Pathetic child! You obviously do not know the meaning of diplomacy or compromise!

{signals in more units}

Delita: (Teacher)! For Algus's death, I'll repay our debt to him with your own death!

Teacher: Strong words, for a boy without an ounce of noble blood in his body! If you are to somehow survive this nothing will be changed! You'll just be our play things, continuing to languish out existence for our sakes! That is what your kind does! Live with it!

Delita: You sound just like her... so the nobles are to blame...

Teacher: Her? Ah, that's right. You had mentioned you had a little sister. I wonder what she would think of her brother's pathetic death? All alone in this big world, without a person in the world to care for her! What a horrible big brother you must be!

Delita: No! That's not how it happened... she... Raaah! I have no reason to explain myself to you cur! Prepare to meet your end!

(Teacher's Death)
Teacher: Can't we go... back...?


And that's all the script on Zeakden I could find, but I swear some of it is missing...

In any case, the difference in the two choices will be pretty prevalent, if you choose to save Algus, you will get a rare War Trophy from one of the units called in, if you don't save Algus you miss that item.

Please, tell me what you think?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by LastingDawn »
"Moment's anger can revert to joy,
sadness can be turned to delight.
A nation destroyed cannot be restored,
the dead brought back to life."

Art of War

Beta & Gretchen Forever!!!!
Zalge
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  • [February 08, 2009, 12:27:50 AM]
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« Reply #21 on: February 08, 2009, 12:27:50 AM »
That sounds awesome, and probably would become a great addition to the shrine knights if you make him survive somehow xD

EDIT: He sounds like he could use his own sprite. Sounds like a project for a boredom ridden teenager like me.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zalge »
tithin [Posts: 529]
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  • [February 08, 2009, 01:36:04 AM]
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« Reply #22 on: February 08, 2009, 01:36:04 AM »
That is exceptional LD, and I can easily see that as being plausible in the game world.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by tithin »
14:45  @SilentB         ò "Hey, Cosgrove, how come you never married?"
 14:45  @SilentB         ò "Because I eat too much meat."
 14:46  @Celdia          ò Heresy. No such thing as 'too much meat'
 14:47  @Celdia          ò One night with tithin would teach you that.
Zozma [Posts: 4604]
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  • [February 08, 2009, 03:21:54 AM]
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« Reply #23 on: February 08, 2009, 03:21:54 AM »
i am really into this idea. your story ideas are just brilliant
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zozma »
Wiegraf: Draw your sword Ramza!
Ramza: But im a monk!!
BloodyBlade
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  • [February 08, 2009, 03:24:27 AM]
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« Reply #24 on: February 08, 2009, 03:24:27 AM »
Thats LD for ya
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by BloodyBlade »
Goomba
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  • [February 08, 2009, 03:45:36 AM]
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« Reply #25 on: February 08, 2009, 03:45:36 AM »
I KNEW that other people wondered why you never saw the Cadets teacher or that female knight again! Noice explanation for what we all assumed all along, LD.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Goomba »
Llednar
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  • [February 09, 2009, 09:37:28 PM]
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« Reply #26 on: February 09, 2009, 09:37:28 PM »
Hmm...now on the other page you have a picture of izilude/isilude on the sheet.  Does he take his sister's place, or do they both survive?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Llednar »
Zozma [Posts: 4604]
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  • [February 09, 2009, 09:41:47 PM]
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« Reply #27 on: February 09, 2009, 09:41:47 PM »
yes he takes his sister's place, unfortunately for Meliadoul she never gets to take part in battle (as of yet) so you fight Izlude twice before you get him. the second time being in the place Meliadoul fought you. What do you guys think? should it be Mel fighting in the book storage then?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zozma »
Wiegraf: Draw your sword Ramza!
Ramza: But im a monk!!
Llednar
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  • [February 09, 2009, 09:46:56 PM]
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« Reply #28 on: February 09, 2009, 09:46:56 PM »
I would say yes, but make sure to kill her for the simple reason it adds purpose to the story methinks.  Before folmarv kills isilude they preach that they are good guys, are trying to help everybody, end wars etc.  Despite the fact that they seem to be evil because they are lucavi, one may even question it up to that point.  But when he kills his own son becuase of his failure, it is quite obvious they are truely evil.  

Also, I noted you let olan be in the party...um... you may want to make him immortal or change the storyteller because olan (oran whatever) WROTE the durai papers (PSP version I think) which means if he dies there wouldn't be a story in the first place.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Llednar »
Zozma [Posts: 4604]
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  • [February 09, 2009, 10:01:47 PM]
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« Reply #29 on: February 09, 2009, 10:01:47 PM »
yep, actually as it is planned to go, up untill the point that Olan joins, he is writing the papers, but will be leaving the rest up to Orlandu who is "killed" off as normally but never joins. He will be writing the story continuing to call them the Durai papers
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zozma »
Wiegraf: Draw your sword Ramza!
Ramza: But im a monk!!
Llednar
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  • [February 09, 2009, 10:16:26 PM]
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« Reply #30 on: February 09, 2009, 10:16:26 PM »
hmmm....interesting indeed...

You also spared Prince Larg it seems.  Now I can see two potential problems for this 1. doesn't give a good way for delita to become king if one of the guys in line for the throne is still alive, 2. Dycedarg kills Prince Larg which makes zalbaag doubt that he is truly a chivalrous person like he is supposed to be, which causes zalbaag to eventually confront him.

I noted you kept zalbaag alive which is cool, I can think of one way this could happen (ramza somhow healing him using holy water or somesuch), but how do you plan for it to happen?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Llednar »
Zozma [Posts: 4604]
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  • [February 09, 2009, 11:14:56 PM]
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« Reply #31 on: February 09, 2009, 11:14:56 PM »
Larg:

will become suspicious of Dycedarg, unlike the way it goes originally
His "death" will be similar to Orlandu's where he has a double protecting him. However, he cannot return to his position as duke since he would be in great danger, therefore you have the opportunity to recruit him after the point where he is thought to be dead.

Zalbag:

Unlike the original story, ramza will catch zalbag about to enter the Igros castle instead of merely seeing the chocobo waiting there. Inside you will find Dycedarg in the position that zalbag was originally in, with sword drawn to none other than DEB! this fight will be extremely hard and at the end of it all DEB who will share the same sign as his slightly younger brother will turn into adramelk. Dycedarg will be sent to hell instead of Zalbag who has already joined your party (being written out of the story by doing so). I might try to add a line for zalbag to say if he is put in the party here if i am able to.

It also might be of interest to note that Zalbag will have the Holy Sword skillset instead of Destroy sword which has been given to Alicia
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zozma »
Wiegraf: Draw your sword Ramza!
Ramza: But im a monk!!
Llednar
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  • [February 09, 2009, 11:17:52 PM]
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« Reply #32 on: February 09, 2009, 11:17:52 PM »
Is the DEB supposed to be a joke reference to the mistype/translation in that same battle?
Hmm...good idea for saving zalbaag...I will think of other questions to ask as well.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Llednar »
Zozma [Posts: 4604]
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  • [February 09, 2009, 11:21:47 PM]
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« Reply #33 on: February 09, 2009, 11:21:47 PM »
DEB was created out of the Joke and mistranslation of the event goal for that battle. However, like the joke topics he will be extremely powerful, and will also be able to down single targets no matter how much defense they have.

Oh in case you're wondering about Rafa and Malak. They arent just bumped out. The story proceeds normally untill Riovannes rooftop. Malak gets shot as usual. But after lede throws Bariten off the back of the rooftop, Celia will walk right up to rafa, grab her by the collar and throw her off the front side. then she will either push malaks body over, or burn it...

and if your not wondering about those two, good cause they dead!
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zozma »
Wiegraf: Draw your sword Ramza!
Ramza: But im a monk!!
Zalge
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  • [February 10, 2009, 02:06:41 AM]
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« Reply #34 on: February 10, 2009, 02:06:41 AM »
So, this story is basically amswering the long time question... "What would happen if Algus wasn't a bastard?"
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zalge »
Llednar
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  • [February 10, 2009, 02:09:26 AM]
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« Reply #35 on: February 10, 2009, 02:09:26 AM »
Instead it introduces the question "what if teta was a bastard"
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Llednar »
Zozma [Posts: 4604]
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  • [February 10, 2009, 02:31:37 AM]
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« Reply #36 on: February 10, 2009, 02:31:37 AM »
haha, i guess it sort of does both doesnt it? but we dont really know how good or bad algus is in this version, just like in the original, did you ever really know Teta long enough to know what type of person she was?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zozma »
Wiegraf: Draw your sword Ramza!
Ramza: But im a monk!!
Llednar
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  • [February 10, 2009, 02:33:48 AM]
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« Reply #37 on: February 10, 2009, 02:33:48 AM »
Well, by trying to keep from worrying her brother in the discussion about how things were going at her school, we can see that she was thoughtful to say the least.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Llednar »
Zozma [Posts: 4604]
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  • [February 10, 2009, 02:37:41 AM]
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« Reply #38 on: February 10, 2009, 02:37:41 AM »
to avoid her peers who always looked down on her for being a commoner.. young Tietra would often cut class to spend hours at a time deep in the underground book storage... reading old tomes of all kinds of magics not taught at the school.... mwahahaa
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zozma »
Wiegraf: Draw your sword Ramza!
Ramza: But im a monk!!
Llednar
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  • [February 10, 2009, 02:38:47 AM]
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« Reply #39 on: February 10, 2009, 02:38:47 AM »
Ok, tat is cool too...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Llednar »
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