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SOR - Symbols of Rage, The Story.  (Read 5198 times)
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SentinalBlade [Posts: 1505]
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  • [February 12, 2009, 04:17:26 PM]
SOR - Symbols of Rage, The Story.
« on: February 12, 2009, 04:17:26 PM »
Setting; A relativly small world, a planent probably about half the size of earth.

There are no gods. no ultimate powers. just the elements.
Relativly backwater, in terms of technology, the people rely on these elements to help them flourish. These elements are Fire, Water, Earth, Ice, Thunder, and Wind. Each held in a elemental stone, The Fire in a Ruby, the Water i na turquoise, the Earth in a Garnet, the Ice in a Sapphire, and so forth.

Story:

As a Young man, you enter an academy of magical arts as a prodigy, the heir to a sage's fortune. This ancestry dates back hundreds of thousands of years, and every generation has set at the head of the schools counsel.

The Grand Master, as your father is called, Is tempted by a dark stone, something akin to the philosophers stone, but not synthetic. It is a natural source of raw power. Kael, The protagonist in this story, is called to the Grand Masters chambers, to supposedly be rewarded for his exceptional school grades. The distant screams though, belie what is really happening. The Grand Master has become corrupt, murdering without mercy, and bathing in the red glory on the walls.

HERE IS WHERE I LEAVE YOU FOR NOW; This is where the introduction to the events picks up, i will post the script in screenplay format, as requested by asmo.
[/spoiler]
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by SentinalBlade »
Llednar
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  • [February 12, 2009, 08:21:52 PM]
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« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2009, 08:21:52 PM »
Hmmm....I like it, but if the Dark Stone were common knowledge as a dangerous artefact, wouldn't they have been more careful with it.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Llednar »
Zalge
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  • [February 12, 2009, 08:24:09 PM]
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« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2009, 08:24:09 PM »
Hey, Sentinal, I'm gunna read over this, and maybe edit a few words to make it sounds a bit fancier xD

Also... I noticed that Sial says "For God's Sake" When you clearly state above that there are no gods.
So far though, it sounds good.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zalge »
Llednar
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  • [February 12, 2009, 08:25:53 PM]
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« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2009, 08:25:53 PM »
Could instead say:  For the sake of the light!  

Or something along those lines
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Llednar »
Zalge
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  • [February 12, 2009, 08:34:07 PM]
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« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2009, 08:34:07 PM »
I changed some things subtly. Changed a few lines, changed a few words where I thought better words could fit. Added some words in spots... and added another line for Sail.

You don't have to use it if you don't want, I just thought I'd try my hand at editing dialogue.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zalge »
SentinalBlade [Posts: 1505]
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  • [February 12, 2009, 09:16:59 PM]
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« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2009, 09:16:59 PM »
Thanks Zalge, i like your use of shakespherian english, it adds a bit of medieval flare to it. feel free to edit the rest of the scripts at your leisure, im going to use what youve posted.

Keep in mind though, SoR is a book i have written, though not yet published, and im adapting it to FFT. If it takes off, i plan to actually make it its own game, rather than hack FFT. It would actually be why im into programming...it was my best friends idea he wrote down before he died, so i took what he had and expanded it to 287 pages...got me an A for all of english 4...lol

Truth be told, i meant to put "There is no "Known" Gods".

The public has no knowledge of god, only the elements that he created. Sial, in short, is a "real" servant of god. as in chosen by god himself to keep the world just, so that god could be lazy on weekends.

There are temples to worship the "Finders" of the stones that each element is represnted in.

Dark Stones are less of a legend, and more a speculation. They are an evil power, and its physical manifastation is that of something akin to coal. I will divulge how the Grand Master came to possess it shortly, as it clearly makes itself known after about the 3rd battle.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by SentinalBlade »
Zalge
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  • [February 12, 2009, 09:28:54 PM]
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« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2009, 09:28:54 PM »
No problem Sentinal. Sure, I may have a B- in English, but I can't stand Grammar. I'm good at writing old English dialogue.

I edited it a little more, but I only really added a few words and changed part of one of Sial's lines.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zalge »
CidIII [Posts: 971]
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  • [February 12, 2009, 09:39:34 PM]
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« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2009, 09:39:34 PM »
Words are capitalized where they shouldn't be, and the wrong form of "You're" is used, it should be "your blood will sour".

You are blood will sour doesn't make sense...
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by CidIII »
I refuse to play Final Fantasy Tactics again until I am able to do my FF6 patch! And, FFT 1.3 doesn't technically count as FFT: so there!
SentinalBlade [Posts: 1505]
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  • [February 12, 2009, 09:44:33 PM]
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« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2009, 09:44:33 PM »
Ive actually got college credit for english, but i think that is more or less due ot the shear amount of words i produce. i have no real spelling, grammar, or punctuation :P

like expired milk :)
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by SentinalBlade »
Zalge
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  • [February 12, 2009, 09:48:30 PM]
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« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2009, 09:48:30 PM »
Quote from: "SentinalBlade"
Ive actually got college credit for english, but i think that is more or less due ot the shear amount of words i produce. i have no real spelling, grammar, or punctuation :P

like expired milk :)
I think that he is talking Grammatically =P
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zalge »
CidIII [Posts: 971]
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  • [February 12, 2009, 09:48:57 PM]
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« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2009, 09:48:57 PM »
You are doesn't make sense which is what you're is.

I know what it means; it's the wrong form of 'your' is what I am saying.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2009, 09:56:57 PM by CidIII »
I refuse to play Final Fantasy Tactics again until I am able to do my FF6 patch! And, FFT 1.3 doesn't technically count as FFT: so there!
SentinalBlade [Posts: 1505]
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  • [February 12, 2009, 09:49:05 PM]
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« Reply #11 on: February 12, 2009, 09:49:05 PM »
oh, i misread that ;P
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by SentinalBlade »
Zalge
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  • [February 13, 2009, 01:37:32 AM]
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« Reply #12 on: February 13, 2009, 01:37:32 AM »
Well, if you want me to fancify any more dialogue, send me a message with it. I would prefer it in screenplay format, but as long as I can distinguish peoples' lines, then that's ok
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Zalge »
Asmo X [Posts: 1689]
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  • [February 13, 2009, 03:45:11 AM]
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« Reply #13 on: February 13, 2009, 03:45:11 AM »
unreadable critique
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Asmo X »
SentinalBlade [Posts: 1505]
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  • [February 13, 2009, 04:00:22 AM]
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« Reply #14 on: February 13, 2009, 04:00:22 AM »
Haha, asmo i got a lol out of that. way to give a new meaning to "creative criticism"
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by SentinalBlade »
Asmo X [Posts: 1689]
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  • [February 13, 2009, 07:43:53 AM]
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« Reply #15 on: February 13, 2009, 07:43:53 AM »
posting a link to this again because it really should be followed for your own sanity and everyone elses.

http://www.simplyscripts.com/WR_format.html
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Asmo X »
Smitson [Posts: 791]
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  • [February 22, 2009, 04:09:42 PM]
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« Reply #16 on: February 22, 2009, 04:09:42 PM »
Looking good. Thin on details, but looking good.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 11:00:00 PM by Smitson »
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Pickle Girl Fanboy [Posts: 1482]
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  • [September 09, 2009, 09:50:58 PM]
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« Reply #17 on: September 09, 2009, 09:50:58 PM »
Google Wordplayer.  It's a screenwriting resource, and it has an old school message board too, that kind that's only open when the mods are clocked in.

Another recommendation: Buy "Story", by Robert McKee.  It's the best thing about storytelling I ever read.
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