I wasn't going to post this here, since I doubt anyone here actually would be interested, but I was asked to. So here goes.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1poOPZvAPdGPztn-12HCaV9uKuQBYZgSf_184aw1eCdc/edit (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1poOPZvAPdGPztn-12HCaV9uKuQBYZgSf_184aw1eCdc/edit)
Length: 15500 words.
Premise: Ponify this.
(http://i.imgur.com/Rb97b.png)
Nitpick it to shreds, if you would. If you get bored and want to stop reading, please do, and tell me why.
Non-brony feedback would be useful as well, if they happen to care. I'd like to write a story that doesn't require knowledge of either subject. Also, if you've heard horror stories of pony fanficiton, understand that this is neither sugary sweet, nor hellishly dark and gory. Somewhere in-between. Only 1 death!
Well written. Having never watched an episode of the newer series, I do believe you succeeded in making this story accessible to someone unfamiliar with it. My only nit-picking would be on the scattered typographical errors and, in my opinion, the occasional ill-chosen word or phrase. However, those are easy fixes, and honestly, trivial details. The work as a whole, was quite enjoyable.
Hooray :D
I've started on the second (much shorter) chapter, and if people here actually like it... might actually continue posting it.