Tactics Parody (Brainstorm)

[IdesofMarch]

Hey all,

School's ended and I've got a ton of free time on my hands so I thought I'd take a run at a parody script for the game. I know that this isn't, strictly speaking, an original idea, but it seems as if the previous attempts have been abandoned and neither of them looked like they got much past the preliminary draft (though admittedly some of philsov's dialogue was quite witty). Anyway, I've written about half of chapter 1 as of this moment, though I'll likely go back and revise it as continuity demands. I haven't made my mind up on some of the characters yet, and I typically like to jump around when writing in other mediums and try to fit it all together at the end (which doesn't seem applicable here) so I imagine I'll go through a number of drafts on certain scenes if it comes to that. I'd also like to do some minor sprite changes (probably only portrait right now) and mess around with some equipment and stuff, but I likely won't go much further than that in terms of complexity. My main goal is to make something funny and satisfying for vets to read through on subsequent plays of the game when they're doing an SSC or something.

More to the point, is there anything you guys would especially like to see? I realize this is lazy writing, but I've been brainstorming ideas for several weeks now and I'm still not completely set as to where I'm headed. Concepts for say, a funny character trait for Zalbag, would be really appreciated, but I'll definitely consider anything. Basically anything you think is funny/could be funny about FFT goes here and I'll credit you if I use it.

P.S. I should probably mention that it's not my intent to go blue on this stuff unless the joke demands it. I don't find swearing reprehensible or anything, I just think it's generally a weaker alternative to, you know, writing something funny. So the plot where Ovelia is a crack-whore and Delita's her pimp, while doubtlessly hilarious, is probably not gonna happen here.

[RandMuadDib]

So the plot where Ovelia is a crack-whore and Delita's her pimp, while doubtlessly hilarious, is probably not gonna happen here.

Lol that's too bad. Perhaps something similar, like a whiny actress and her manager?

[Asmo X]

First decide what it is that you are actually parodying. Is is the hammy script of WotL? Secondly, I would say just write it and don't ask for input. This isn't going to be a community patch and waiting for ideas is just going to bog the project down and nothing will ever be done.

[IdesofMarch]

Uh, I've been working with the original script and only referencing the WotL script when it suits me. Some of the lines are bad enough that they have to be included, but for the most part I've kept it in the vernacular. As for the second point, I was actually really close to not asking at all, I just wanted to see if anyone has something that gives me a spark. I've written a few plays now for class and it occurred to me that what tends to get me rolling is a big conversation with a bunch of other students, so I wanted to see if something like that might happen. If I gave you the impression that I was just going to wait around while this happened it wasn't my intent; I actually wrote a scene in between my first post and this one.

[Asmo X]

Yeah parodies are hard enough to write as it is. I'd hate to think how terrible they would be when written by committee. You're better off just going it alone especially if you already have experience writing plays or something. I can think of a few things off the top of my head that deserve to be made fun of in FFT: The script, The military-sized arsenal you get to carry around with you, That Ramza is running some sort of portable monster ranch during his adventure, attacks based on astrology, using bards and dancers during combat and Rafa and Malak training magic that they can't actually aim.

[MagiusRerecros]

Rafa and Malak training magic that they can't actually aim.

^This.

[IdesofMarch]

That kind of stuff is perfect. I basically just have a big Word document of idle thoughts like that and as I get around to different scenes I kind of scan through it to see if there's anything that I (or in this case, someone else) thought of earlier that would work.

I guess if it needs any further clarification, here goes.

What this topic is for: if you ever played through Tactics and thought "hey, this part's kind of funny" or "wouldn't it be funny if..." but don't want to incorporate it into your own hack, I'd really appreciate it if you take a few seconds and post it.

What this topic isn't for: Recruiting; actually writing dialogue that wasn't already in the game; getting you guys to put work into this for me.

So basically if you always thought that Gafgarion looks like a walrus or something, I'd love to hear about it. I won't necessarily use it, but I don't use the majority of ideas I come up with either and there's probably a ton of funny stuff that you guys have thought of that I wouldn't ever think up.

As for the monster farm and the dancer/bard, I really want to make fun of those but I think the only place to do it is in description text, since there's not (as far as I remember) any point in the story where you're forced to use them. If I finish the main story (a mammoth task in itself) I would like to mess with some of the descriptions and abilities as well, but that's a long way off. Let me know if you think of any plausible scenes to incorporate it into though.

[lirmont]

Killing people so you can see in the dark.

[Dome]

Teta is knocked out and no one uses a PD-Raise on her xD

[RandMuadDib]

Delita only knows about the plot to put the church in control and nothing of the lucavi

[Pierce]

When Vormav kidnaps Alma, a holy stone  -something of immeasurable value-  just hits the floor and he doesn't notice or care.

[IdesofMarch]

Good stuff. I just rewrote Balbanes' death with a new thought for Zalbag. I'm gonna have to edit his sprite now, which (having no experience) is probably going to be a ton of work, but it reads much funnier now.

[Kokojo]

I want Cloud to be asked why he's using a ribbon but that he can't be a dancer.

[GeneralStrife]

Why are we playing reed flutes instead of chasing the death corps.?

Make fun of stupid long names (Bethla Garrison)

Retardio

Draclau is fat, but an ex war hero

[Durbs]

When Vormav kidnaps Alma, a holy stone  -something of immeasurable value-  just hits the floor and he doesn't notice or care.

That's not really a parody, though... there is an actual reason why (Alma is of exponentially more value).

[IdesofMarch]

Yeah, unfortunately that scene doesn't really offer a lot of opportunity to make fun of that particular detail. I'm also several thousand words away from it and still don't know how I'm going to characterize Vormav. =/

[Pickle Girl Fanboy]

I wrote a depraved thread full of sexual innuendo RE FFT.

[IdesofMarch]

Ooh. Where? I could use something like that.

[RavenOfRazgriz]

Simple one I thought of today in an unrelated conversation:

Change Cid's title of "T.G. Cid" to "Cidolfus the Big Red Swordsman."

(This is obviously a play on the fact that T.G. Cid is basically the steroid-abusing Red Mage counterpart to Holy/Dark/Divine Knights.  It's also a really well played Clifford the Big Red Dog reference, and those are always handy.)

[GeneralStrife]

Dorter 2, "damn 700 was too cheap!" Vormav walked away and was probably a few steps back........or something like that.